“The secret of being happy is accepting where you are in life and making the most out of every day.”

I hail from a traditional family where my great grandparents had 10 children and the 10 of them had 24 children. My generation comprises 53 children. About two-third of us are married and have kids. The best thing is, every couple in the family have a healthy relationship.

I’m proud to say that living in a joint family has helped me understand the intricacies of relationships. My great grandparents were married together for 80 years. They not only shared a golden relationship between themselves but also made sure their qualities are passed on to the next generation. That’s what has made us what we are today, in terms of sharing a great bonding after marriage.

7 Things People in Healthy Relationships Don’t Do

Today, I would like to share with you some golden tips that my grandparents and parents would never do with their partners:

1. They would never bring up old fights

The elders in the home would always resolve fights then and there. No matter how painful the issue was, they’d never bring them up in the future. I understood that if you want to lead a healthy relationship, you should learn to forgive your partner for his/her mistakes and move on. Knowing what not to do in a relationship is a step closer to making sure that you put your problems to sleep in their initial stages.

2. They would apologize wholeheartedly

I hardly remember my parents make an insincere apology. When you say “I’m sorry”, the chapter is closed and you move on. But when you say “I’m sorry but…” and then try to prove that you are right, your sorry doesn’t serve the purpose. You apologize because you want to make your partner feel that you’ve realized your mistake and are willing to change. But if you are going to apologize with the intention of confronting your partner, then it doesn’t work in your favor. It doesn’t go any good for your relationship. So, always make sure you apologize sincerely.

3. They would never blame each other for something bad that happened

I remember my dad going broke several times. His business wasn’t doing well and there were times when he contributed nothing to our household expenses. But, my mom never blamed my dad as being irresponsible or careless. She always stood by him and shielded him from all sorts of negative talks from neighbors and friends. That gave him the strength to become a successful businessman, which he tells us even today. He overcame adversities and became a successful businessman. Today, he owns a home, car, and a one-acre farm land in our native. It wouldn’t have been possible if my mom reacted badly during his tough times.

4. They would understand problems and help each other out

Once my dad was back home, he would tell all his business problems to mom. Even as a teenager, I was annoyed hearing all the bad experiences. But mom, being the clever lady she was, would understand dad’s problems and console him with positive words and offer suggestions whenever she could. Now I can understand that without her advice and consoling words, dad wouldn’t have slept on many days.

From this I learnt that no matter what problems your partner is facing, if they share their worries with you, it’s because they want to get things out of their chest. And your comforting words will only help them forget their worries and get better the next time.

5. They never spoke about their fights with friends and neighbors

Today, we see couples abusing each other in public places and punishing each other badly. It’s all over the news – men beating up their wives for lying and stuff like that. I had an uncle who was secretly dating another lady at his workplace and was later caught by my aunt. It did shock the family. But what surprised me was the way she handled the whole issue. Although she was upset, she made sure that the issue was resolved among them and it never went out of the house (we were a joint family then). She even politely offered a divorce in case he didn’t like to live with her. But, my uncle apologized on his knees and changed a lot after the incident. They’re happily married for over 35 years now.

Stop abusing your partner in public places and never rant about your relationship issues to your friends and neighbors. It only creates a bad image for you and your partner – always remember, a third person is never going to be trustworthy.

6. I don’t fake my feelings

I’m happily married for over 6 years, so I guess I can share something from my experience as well! Honestly, my wife is a good cook, but sometimes the extra salt in the curry makes me go mad. And she keeps watching cookery shows when I’m back from work with my stomach growling. It’s hard to keep calm during such situations. I can’t give a fake hug; I could only shout at her for being careless. You see, I’m being real here. Being real is loving too – but, like my grandparents, I never bring up the issue once it’s over.

7. We would never miss the Sunday fun

No matter how busy I’m, I dedicate my Sundays to my wife and kids. If you don’t spend enough time with your family, then you’re leading a boring lifestyle. Utilize the rest days to book a resort, watch a movie, or have fun at an amusement park. This will not only act as a stress-breaker for you but also provide great fun for your wife and kids. At the end of the day, your family comes first and it’s your responsibility to keep them happy.

If your relationship with your partner hasn’t been sailing smooth, then following these tips should help you get things back on track and lead a happy life.